I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
