I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
