she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just blew my weed a kiss
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
