fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
