thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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