Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
