Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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