her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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