Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
nutella sex= disaster
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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