Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
