Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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