So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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