So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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