im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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