Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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