Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
