Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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