you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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