My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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