i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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