we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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