Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
