Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
