wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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