he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
