Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
