she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
