You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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