dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish I only lived at night.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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