Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
