My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
