Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
