They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
