A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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