You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
