my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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