just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
