it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
