Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
