according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
