I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
