I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
