She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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