If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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