Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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