One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
