is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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