Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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