White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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