its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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