i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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