you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
