Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
