i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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