did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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