when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
