Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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