i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
