yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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