He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We need to rekindle our bromance
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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