Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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