Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
