and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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