dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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