Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
