break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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