I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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