wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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