things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
