"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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