and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
