He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
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So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
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My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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