I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish you could order shots online.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
