I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
