Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
