i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
