I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
