im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think my fart just growled at me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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